Indian Society and Marriage
Now lets talk about the other things that are involved with this thing called “marriage”. The accounting and financing part. Well, if you're lucky enough to be a boy, you can surely enjoy everything, right from the start. You value(Selling Price) goes on increasing with every other degree that you get. Nobody cares when you're coming home, when you're going out, what you're wearing and what your complexion is!
But if you're a girl, then surely your parents would have saved a large part of their monthly income (ever since you were born) so that they can make THIS event more lavish and grand. They keep buying gold in huge quantities, they keep planning the budget of your marriage, and the rest amount they are left with, they use it for their livelihood. They'll give you everything that you ask for, at least at that time! It is because they have started realizing that very soon, you'll be married off. Now well, since it is supposed to be such an important event, your life partner should also be worth all this!
There are two sides of any normal Indian marriage- the one that everybody can see and the other can only be seen & felt by the members of the girl's family. This other side is generally faced by the girl's family. It includes everything from her outings to her dressing sense. Yes its true that she will soon have a new family of her own, but isn't that true for the guy too.
We say that we have advanced: We allow women to wear everything they wish to, we give them tablets and iPads, expensive phones, great lifestyle, the independence to dream and to make their dreams come true, but have we started giving them the respect that they deserve? When it comes to marriage, why is suddenly the girl's side on the lower end?
When it is about meeting the guy's family, she is told to get dressed in ethnic wear, put on makeup (bright makeup) and wear gold jewelry, when no one really bothers if the guy is coming in formals or a simple striped T-shirt!! Then he rejects the girl, and her family thinks “maybe we were not matching their level of expectations”, “Beta, did you talk politely with him?”, “I hope you didn't just start off with all the crap that you normally say!!”
The next time when she has to meet someone, her relative, friends will be equally excited again, they'll do all that is possible to make her look good-FAIR actually (which is the first condition of every guy)!! Are girls ever asked if they want a fair guy or a dark one? Even if the guy is dark in complexion, he'll ask for a fair wife, milky white preferably! Dude, you're not buying vegetables!! Why are you going by looks, is it not important that your wife is equally educated and earning? That she thinks in the same way that you do, that she is understanding enough to mix with your family & friends, that she is ready to quit her job and shift with you in your city?
We say that we have advanced, but then why is it that the in-laws expect the girl's family to give expensive gifts to them even after marriage? Our culture says that exchanging gifts is a good habit. Well..who's exchanging..? It is just a one way track here.
Even after trying a lot, suppose, you are not able to find a perfect groom. Then comes the real problem. Because then, people start finding things, in the girl's life, things that they feel are a reason why nobody is selecting her. Does anyone ask how she is feeling? Why is she being treated like a “material” suddenly. “Apply great marketing techniques and sell her to a good client” This is what it becomes after 3-4 years of continuous rejection.
Was it not you who always used to say that marriages are made in heaven? Then why don't you realize the fact that someone, somewhere is waiting for her to come in his life. She cannot get married until the correct time comes. Hurrying won't make time change its course and send the guy to her life. He'll come only when the time is right and only when the powers of the whole universe will make them come close.
Good one..
ReplyDeleteohh so true....nicely experessed a prospective girls side
ReplyDeleteso true..... rightly said.... the so called "indian" society... and their norms.. ;(
ReplyDeleteWell it’s not about being from a girl’s family. Let’s first start from the value addition point you mentioned. Earlier people (from girl’s side) used to give all the necessities required for day to day living of the newly wedded couple as a token of appreciation or a gift you may say. It was just a kind of tradition which later on became the evil face of Indian society – ‘dowry’. People started abusing this tradition and now it is the most frequent reason of divorce, not getting married or suicide/murder of the bride. Yes, the more educated you are you can ask for a higher the price!
ReplyDeleteBut let’s see it from a different view. I was having a discussion with some families in a kind of get together. When we came on this topic of marriage and dowry, my friends and I shared the same view of not asking for dowry. We, as boys think that we are well capable and can take care of ourselves as well as of our future bride’s need but then we came to see the other picture. We were told that not asking for dowry could be seen as there is something wrong with the boy. Why even after being so educated, he is not asking for a dowry? Is he is having some issues with him (physical, mental or something) and for hiding that and saving the name of the family, they are not asking for it.
Second point about the looks – yes either the guy or his parent wants a beautiful girl. It happens mostly in arrange marriages (I can assume everyone is on the same page for this). This is just because of the fact that parents can flaunt or showoff in the society and in their friend circle that they found and chose this beautiful girl for their kin.
Yes, even a guy in arrange marriage used to think like this. This is just stereotype thinking and should not be there while going for a marriage. For marriage, one needs to think whether the girl could love his parents like the way he does or not! End of question. If yes, then there no harm in marrying with that girl. But, my question here is (for both of them, girls and boys): how can you judge a person by meeting him once or twice? Obviously he/she will behave in the most sophisticated way in that one or two meetings. Now this is the point where parents and girl/guy started doing a kind of background check, which again is the most irritating part of arrange marriage.
Yes, there are so many things, hidden or obvious, which we used to see or hear on a daily basis when it comes to discuss about arrange marriage. There are drawbacks and plus points of arrange marriage but Indian society knew perfectly how to abuse any tradition or law. It is always an open ended question where you cannot give the perfect answer. To sum up, I just want to say that I am not at all convinced with any of the views (which you presented and what I mentioned) but that’s how our society thinks.
Well said!!
ReplyDelete