...And she finally learnt living Part 2

February 12, 2014

While she was busy in planning her death, her doorbell rang. She was hesitant to open it. But when it rang 5-6 times, she reluctantly had to get up from the bed and open the door. Her grandma was standing in front her. She bent down and touched her feet, a way of seeking blessings in India. Grandma said “God Bless You”. She welcomed her in, wondering why she had come to meet her. It was the second or third time that she was meeting her grandma, ever since her birth. Her grandma was 75 years old and had always loved her a lot as a kid. Her mother, who was a career freak woman, had always kept her from meeting her grandma who was more of a homely lady with independent views on life.

She stayed with her for 3 days and asked a lot of boring questions about her life, her future. She was smiling on the inside, thinking there was going to be no future, why should she even plan. Then one morning, as if sensing what was going on in her mind, her grandma asked her to take her back to her house ( a village near Shimla). There was no way she could refuse her grandma because if something happened to her on the way, she would not forgive herself. She did not want to die with a heavy heart. Besides, she had nothing to lose! She was going to die in a few days anyway!

That evening, they left for Shimla. Her grandma kept talking to her incessantly. They reached Shimla the following day. Instead of going to her village, her grandma asked her to take her to Shimla. They stopped at a huge house with a front garden. Her grandma told her that she wanted to stay there for the next few days.

Then her grandma told her to stay in the room facing east. When she opened the windows of her room, there were mountains, waterfalls and clouds. It was all beautiful. The green grass, beautiful weather and the flowers looked so perfect that first time in years; she thought she was actually feeling good. She did not switch on her TV that day. Instead, she went for a walk down the roads. There was no traffic, no pollution, no noises and no crowds there. She admired the mountains. She admired the river and she admired the scenery. It was all so beautiful. It was something words could never explain. She spent long hours there, simply sitting and taking in all of it.

She went home to eat food cooked in stove. Her grandma had prepared a huge meal which had all of her favorite dishes. The food tasted heavenly and she ate like she had not eaten in years. She thanked her grandma with all her heart. Her grandma simply smiled and hugged her. She felt loved. She felt good. It was a feeling new to her and she enjoyed it to the best.

That night, she did not know when she had fallen asleep. She slept peacefully that night. She woke up with a new energy that she did not even know existed in her. She felt rejuvenated. It was around 7am and she when she opened her window, she could almost see the clouds in front of her. She even touched them. She couldn’t resist not going outside. But this time, she stepped on the grass without her slippers on. The softness of grass and the mist made her feel heavenly. She cherished moment, taking in everything around her.

When snow fall started in the noon, it made the city look so beautiful that she did not close her eyes even for a second. Then she sat near the fire with her grandma and for the first time ever, she talked to her open heartedly. She told her how she loved the weather, the mountains, the clouds, the breeze and…her life. She told her that it was the best day of her life.

Then the realization sank-in. She was going to die in a few days. But she did not feel like dying now. She wanted to see the evening, the stars, clouds, everything. She wanted to see the next morning…all mornings and she wanted to sing. Her long forgotten passion! There was a desire building inside her… a desire that growing stronger moment by moment. She wanted to see tomorrow, to live every moment, to sing and enjoy…

She was very disturbed that evening. She was not able to fathom what was happening to her. She could not feel the presence of God, as if all this was pre-planned by him. But why now? When not in all these years? Why now, when she had fixed her plans? She was seeking answers to her questions when her grandma entered her room. She smiled and asked grandma if she wanted anything. Her grandma simply smiled, sat beside her, and said “My dear child, life is not about running, winning or getting rich. It’s not about doing things you don’t like doing. No. Life is simply about living and being happy. Do what makes you happy. Analyze your life when you have nothing to do and talk to yourself. Ask yourself what it is that YOU love. Then do that. Things will start making sense one day. You’ll be able to see God’s plan for you and when you start moving in that direction, everything will become fine. When there is nothing else to enjoy or worth smiling, look at the stars, clouds, moon and trees. They were there ever since the beginning of the universe. Beauty lies in them. Try to feel that beauty. Close your eyes and relax for a while. Everything will make sense one day.” With this, her grandma left the room.

She realized the true and hidden meaning in the words of her grandma. Those words kept playing again and again, as if her mind was a tape recorder. She made a note in her mind that she’ll never forget these word and that she’ll never ever think of dying again.

There was one more thing that she had decided; she was never going back. This was where she felt peaceful and she decided that she’ll spend the rest of life here. Singing, dancing, enjoying and being happy!